Stephen Covey Is Wrong
Stephen Covey, in the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, goes on a spiel about the “Personality Ethic.”
In it he criticizes literature and the worldview that emphasizes personality. He writes:
“Success became more a function of personality, of public image, of attitudes and behaviors, skills and techniques, that lubricate the processes of human interaction. . . . Other parts of the personality approach were clearly manipulative, even deceptive, encouraging people to use techniques to get other people to like them, or to fake interest in the hobbies of others to get out of them what they wanted, or to use the ‘power look,’ or to intimidate their way through life.”
Covey presents the better option as the Ethic of Character, where you cultivate integrity and focus on the work that matters instead of appearances.
He says someone with an Ethic of Character focuses on “things like integrity, humility, fidelity, temperance, courage, justice, patience, industry, simplicity, modesty, and the Golden Rule.”
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is time-tested and rightly so. It’s something everyone should read. But Covey gets this wrong.
You’ve know that the levers of persuasion should be used ethically. But human psychology is literally part of every human interaction you will have for the rest of your life (hell, it’s probably baked into most interactions you’ll have with artificial intelligence, too).
So what if you develop Seneca-grade character? So what if you are the most righteous, upstanding person in the room? If you can’t communicate it, all that internal work is for naught.
As Seth Godin says: “No one gets noticed in the middle.”
Persuasion Does Not Replace Character, It Adds Effectiveness
The levers of persuasion exist whether you’re aware of them or not. The “Ethic of Personality” Covey seems to prefer is not in place of the Ethic of Character.
It’s a separate skill.
You need to cultivate both your integrity and your ability to practically communicate and implement your decisions. And the levers of persuasion are how you do so.
Integrity in the vacuum of your theoretical mind is worthless. It needs to interact with the world.
Many sincere friendships start with insincere interactions. I know many best friends that initially met for pure commercial reasons but turned into sincere friendships outside of business over time. So why is it so bad to feign interest on a first date?
After all, sometimes we just need exposure to something before we warm up to it. So sometimes the initial phase has to be merely “tolerated.’
People without integrity can use the levers of persuasion, just like people with integrity can. If those without the “Ethic of Character” use it, they’ll push the people with character out of the way. It’s a sort of “Gresham’s Law of integrity.”
There’s nothing insincere with learning how to influence others. If anything, it’s something noble to be desired and endorsed. Without it, all your good work on your character is for nothing.
You’re always marketing. To your significant other, your boss, yourself.
So don’t be afraid to learn how to do it more efficiently and impactfully.
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