Reciprocity: You Get More Than You Give
How are you missing out on using reciprocity to increase your influence?
Reciprocity is one of the most powerful tools of persuasion. In fact, Robert Cialdini included it his book Influence as one of the core tools of persuasion.
WHAT IS RECIPROCITY? WHY DOES IT MATTER?
Reciprocity is the obligation to repay someone when they do something for you. It can be a conscious feeling, but it’s usually unconscious; you can (and should) use reciprocity to shape the behavior of others.
WHY RECIPROCITY WORKS
Reciprocity has evolutionary advantages. A widely shared feeling that future obligations will be repaid (aka, reciprocity) encourages initial transactions between individuals. People can give items, services, and time to others with the confidence that they will be repaid.
This confidence promotes engagement between people, especially initial transactions between strangers. Reciprocity also generally promotes social cohesion, and, as you know, social factors (like social proof) matter.
HOW RECIPROCITY WORKS
When you provide something of value to someone else (a product, service, time, etc.), they will feel obligated to repay you. The key is that you can determine how they repay you.
Reciprocity will overpower whether you “like” or “dislike” someone. If someone you dislike (e.g., a sketchy salesperson) does you a favor, you’ll feel the need to repay them.
Your need to reciprocate is also triggered even if you don’t ask for or want the favor.
CONCESSIONS
Reciprocity doesn’t just apply when you give something away. It also applies when you give something up (aka, make a concession).
A concession happens when you start with a big request, that request is rejected, and you follow up with a smaller request. Because you “conceded” the big request, you did that person a favor. In response, reciprocity will make them feel they owe you.
This “concession” trick is often called the “reject-then-retreat” technique:
- You start with a big ask;
- It gets rejected; and
- You retreat to a smaller ask.
The oft-cited example is from Cialdini’s Influence, where a boy scout asked him to buy tickets to the Boy Scout Circus. Once Cialdini declined, the scout then asked him if he would be interested in buying chocolate bars. Cialdini caved and bought some, despite the fact he doesn’t like chocolate bars.
Your initial ask should be reasonable in size, but it can probably be a lot bigger than you think.
The concession approach also results in two byproducts that play to your advantage:
- Responsibility — The compliant person will feel more responsible for the final deal, and be more likely to live up to their agreement.
- Satisfaction — They will also be more satisfied with the final arrangement than if you hadn’t made a concession.
FUTURE RECIPROCITY
Reciprocity also affects future requests even after the initial favor has been repaid.
For example, if you use the “reject-then-retreat” approach and get someone to accept the smaller ask, they will be more likely to comply with later, unrelated requests.
EXAMPLES OF RECIPROCITY
- Give, Give, Give — Give something for free, like a free sample.
- Require Action — Require some action from the recipient of the gift. As discussed by Vance Packard in the Hidden Persuaders, when consumers had to slice free samples of cheese themselves, a supermarket sold much more cheese.
- Concessions / Reject-Then-Retreat — A car salesperson will try selling you a flashy car first, one that’s outside your budget. Once you say no, they’ll “do you a favor” by showing cars within your budget.
- Be Explicit — If using the reject-then-retreat technique, it will be more effective if you highlight the concession. For example: “If you’re not interested in X, would you kindly consider Y?”
- Provide Shout Outs — Give shout outs to people that you would like to become more connected with. For example, Yaro Starak talks about writing articles that focus on a person you’re attempting to connect with, and suggests doing it multiple times. You provide them with exposure, and they’ll likely feel obligated to do the same for you.
- Guest Posts — Providing content for others peoples’ websites and is a great way to build reciprocity with them.
HOW YOU WILL USE RECIPROCITY
- Giveaways — What can you give away for free? A PDF, free sample, trial period, consultation, brochure? What about a simple shout out on social media?
- Required Action — How can you require action or effort to get the free gift? For example, if I were to give you a free resource, I could require that you submit an example of a persuasive tool in action.
- Exposure — Can you offer free exposure (e.g., social media cross-posts) for others? Who?
- Concession / Reject-Then-Retreat — Where can you use the reject-then-retreat technique? What big requests will you start out asking for?
- Ask For and Solve Problems — Who can you proactively help? Ask what problems they’re struggling with and then help solve them, if you can.
- Phrasing — How can you change your language to emphasize what you have “given”? For example, check out the “Subscribe & Share” blurb below.
How have you leveraged reciprocity to persuade and influence? Where have you seen it used by others? Share your expertise in the comments.
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